Everything you need to know about Dutch Birthdays (before you accidentally hug someone)
Dear traveler,
I'm Kiria, and I live in a little village in the South of the Netherlands. My life here has been a rollercoaster of surprises — from biking in the rain to learning words like 'gezellig' that you just can't translate. But one of the quirkiest (and most charming) discoveries for me has been: Dutch birthdays.
If you've ever been invited to one, you'll know what I mean. If not, let me guide you through this very Dutch way of celebrating life.
The Circle of Chairs 🪑
One of the most famous Dutch birthday traditions is the circle of chairs. Guests sit around in a neat circle without music, making it easy to talk to everyone. At first, it feels a little formal, but once you settle in, it's surprisingly cozy. Usually, only close friends and family are invited — typically no coworkers.
What I've learned is that this isn't just about seating — it's about equality. Everyone gets the same view, the same chance to join conversations, and nobody gets stuck in a corner. Of course, like all places, there are also Dutch people who celebrate without the circle of chairs and with music.
Congratulations for Everyone 🎂
This is one that still confuses me: you don't just congratulate the birthday person, you congratulate everyone else too. Parents, siblings, friends — even the dog gets a pat and a cheerful "Gefeliciteerd!"
It might feel strange the first time, but it creates this sense of shared celebration that I've come to love. The idea is that everyone close to the birthday person shares in their joy — and honestly, it makes the whole room light up.
The Three Kisses Ritual 💋
Here's something that caught me completely off guard: the three kisses greeting. Right cheek, left cheek, right cheek again. I spent my first few Dutch birthdays bumping noses and going in for handshakes when everyone else was leaning in for kisses.
Pro tip: let the Dutch person lead, and don't actually kiss — just the cheek-to-cheek air kiss motion. Trust me on this one.
Coffee, Cake and Simple Snacks ☕🍰
Dutch birthdays usually begin with coffee and cake. Later, you might see beer, wine, and classic Dutch party snacks like cheese cubes or bitterballen.
But here's what I found surprising: the birthday person often brings the cake to work or provides all the treats at their own party. It's their gift to everyone else, celebrating their special day by sharing it with others. I prefer the Latin-American tradition where everybody tries to surprise the birthday person and does everything for them.
It's simple, stress-free, and all about gezelligheid.
The Birthday Calendar in the Toilet 🗓️
Yes, you read that right. Dutch people keep birthday calendars in their bathrooms — usually hanging next to the toilet. At first, I thought this was a coincidence, but it's actually genius. It's the one room everyone visits, so you're guaranteed to check it and never miss anyone's special day.
I now have my own verjaardagskalender, and I've actually become better at remembering birthdays than I ever was back home.
Gift-Giving: Practical and Thoughtful 🎁
Dutch gift-giving is refreshingly practical. Think nice candles, books, wine, or something for the home. Nothing too expensive or flashy — it's the thought that counts, not the price tag.
I've learned to wrap everything beautifully though. The Dutch might be practical, but they appreciate a well-presented gift. And always bring something for the host, even if it's just a small bunch of flowers.
Children's Birthdays: A League of Their Own 🎈
Dutch kids' birthdays deserve their own mention. The birthday child wears a crown or special outfit to school, and often brings treats to share with the class. At home, you'll see the Dutch flag hanging from bedroom windows — a proud announcement to the whole neighborhood that it's someone's special day.
And tompouces — those pink frosted pastries — somehow always appear at children's parties. They're messy, sugary chaos, and the kids absolutely love them.
My First Dutch Birthday Experience 😅
I'll never forget my first Dutch birthday. I walked in, saw the circle, and thought I'd crashed a meeting. Then came the round of congratulations — to everyone. I was so confused I almost forgot who the actual birthday person was!
But by the end of the evening, I was laughing, sharing stories, and realizing how these small traditions actually bring people closer. I even managed the three-kiss greeting without too much awkwardness.
The Art of Dutch Party Conversations 💬
One thing I've come to appreciate is how Dutch birthday conversations flow. People move around the circle throughout the evening, ensuring everyone gets a chance to catch up. There's usually a lovely mix of light chat, genuine interest in each other's lives, and plenty of gentle teasing.
The Dutch have mastered the art of making everyone feel included without being overwhelming about it.
Why I Love Dutch Birthdays 💙
Now, Dutch birthdays feel familiar and special. They're not about extravagance — they're about people, conversations, and cozy togetherness.
It's one of those traditions that might feel unusual at first, but ends up making you feel right at home in the Netherlands. There's something beautifully democratic about it all — everyone matters, everyone's included, and everyone gets their moment to shine. Though I'll admit, I would definitely love to be served rather than be serving!
Final Thoughts
If you're ever invited to a Dutch birthday, remember:
Greet everyone with "Gefeliciteerd!" — including the family members
Don't be surprised by the circle of chairs — embrace it
Master the three-kiss greeting (or at least try not to headbutt anyone)
Enjoy your slice of apple pie and the gezellig vibe
Check their bathroom calendar and be impressed by their organization
Bring a thoughtful, practical gift — beautifully wrapped
These birthdays might not look like the ones you grew up with, but they carry a charm that's truly Dutch. They've taught me that celebration doesn't need to be elaborate to be meaningful.
If you enjoyed this cultural dive, explore more stories on The Dutch Chapter blog — or subscribe to the newsletter so you won’t miss my next adventure in Dutch living. Prefer reading in Spanish? A full Spanish version of this article is also available hier.
See you in the next story 💙
— Kiria
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