🎂 Birthday culture shock:From surprise parties to serving cheese without music

Have you ever celebrated your own birthday by serving snacks and coffee to your guests—without music? No? Then welcome to the Netherlands, where birthdays are cozy, quiet, and completely different from the ones I grew up with in the Dominican Republic.

The birthday flip: Dominican Style vs. Dutch Style

Back home in the DR, birthdays are a party waiting to happen. Friends show up uninvited with cake, balloons and presents. You get hugs at work, decorations on your desk, and the whole day feels like a confetti-filled dream.

But in the Netherlands? The birthday script is flipped.

You invite the guests.

You make the coffee.

You serve the cake.

Yes—you serve them. On your birthday.

A typical Dutch birthday looks like this:

• You invite people over (usually to your home).

• Everyone arrives on time (punctuality is a big deal).

• They congratulate not just you—but everyone in your household.

  • The party starts with coffee and cake. Later, there are salty snacks like: Cheese cubes, chips and sometimes bitterballen (if you’re feeling fancy).

Drinks are usually simple. Music is optional. Dancing? Very rare. And yes, you walk around serving everyone with a tray like it’s afternoon tea.

If your birthday falls on a weekday, you bring treats to school or the office. This is called a ‘traktatie’. You basically host your own little party. No skipping it. It’s tradition.

Now, if you think all this sounds a bit... tame, let’s talk about turning 50 in the Netherlands. Here’s where things get bold.

• Women become “Sarah.”

• Men become “Abraham.”

It means you've "seen Sarah/Abraham"—a sign you’ve reached a wise age (or midlife).

What follows? Giant lawn decorations. Inflatable dolls. Posters with your face on them. Maybe a cheeky sign about your hobbies or favorite drink. It’s funny, slightly embarrassing, and very, very Dutch.

So... Have I Adjusted? Kind of.

I’ve learned to appreciate the calm, structured charm of a Dutch birthday. There’s beauty in the simplicity. The focus is on togetherness, not extravagance.

But I still miss the joy of walking into a room that’s been secretly decorated for me. The music. The brunches. The happy chaos. The “surprise!” hugs.

The best of both worlds. Here’s what I’ve realized: Dutch birthdays celebrate through service. Dominican birthdays celebrate through surprise. Blend the two, and you get something beautiful. Maybe a quiet afternoon of cake and coffee... followed by music, dancing, and a spontaneous toast. That’s my kind of birthday fusion.

🎈What About You? What’s the most unexpected birthday tradition you’ve seen—at home or abroad? Leave a comment! I’m always collecting ideas for my next party (even if I still have to serve the cake myself 😉).

With love,

Kiria Martinez